On Plant Rights
The following poem Baxter Black
Coyote Cowboy Poetry 1986
The Vegetarian's Nightmare
(a dissertation on plants' rights)
Ladies and diners 1 make you
A shameful, degrading confession.
A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste
Though I did it 1 meant no aggression.
1 had planted a garden last April
And lovingly sang it a ballad.
But later in June beneath a full moon
Forgive me, 1 wanted a salad!
So 1 slipped out and fondled a carrot
Caressing its feathery top.
With the force of a brute 1 tore out the root!
It whimpered and came with a pop!
Then laying my hand on a radish
1 jerked and it left a small crater.
Then with the blade of my True Value spade
1 exhumed a slumbering tater!
Celery 1 plucked, 1 twisted a squash!
Tomatoes were wincing in fear.
1 choked the Romaine. It screamed out in pain,
Their anguish was filling my ears!
I finally came to the lettuce
As it cringed at the top of the row
With one wicked slice 1 beheaded it twice
As it writhed, I dealt a death blow.
1 butchered the onions and parsley.
My hoe was all covered with gore.
1 chopped and 1 whacked without looking back
Then 1 stealthily slipped in the door.
My bounty lay naked and dying
So 1 drowned them to snuff out their life.
1 sliced and 1 peeled as they thrashed and they reeled
On the cutting board under my knife.
1 violated tomatoes
So their innards could never survive.
1 grated and ground 'til they made not a sound
Then 1 boiled the tater alive!
Then 1 took the small broken pieces
1 had tortured and killed with my hands
And tossed them together, heedless of whether
They suffered or made their demands.
1 ate them. Forgive me, I'm sorry
But hear me, though I'm a beginner
Those plants feel pain, though it's hard to explain
To someone who eats them for dinner!
1 intend to begin a crusade
For PLANT'S RIGHTS, including chick peas.
The A.C.L.U. will be helping me, too.
In the meantime, please pass the bleu cheese.
Coyote Cowboy Poetry 1986
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